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— GETTING TO WHERE YOU WANT TO GO

I sit here in a rickety, rusty chair in Mactan-Cebu International Airport, thinking all sorts of things. The guy on my left is wrapping a garbage bag over his 4 wheel revolver. The kid on my right is entirely oblivious of the noise his tab makes while his playing his game. The taxi lane just in front of me is a slow-moving snail directed to paradise. On my back is a solid block of wall, holding a flat screen that might, considering my luck for the past few days, might just fall on top of me. Everything is SPIFFY, alright!

Everyone keeps on passing, moving from one end to another. Here I am, looking at all the people walking away, strutting into, and trudging on; I am unmoving – staring at the one thing that makes me comfortable – my phone. I am travelling; in the process of going somewhere. But I am in this four-hour space in this moment – nothing to do and just killing time. I am doing something in some way – trivial things. Tapping my brown wingtips on the surprisingly clean floor, texting my girlfriend, hand-combing my hair – but in this space, even when I’m doing something, I know I’m getting nowhere. I am stuck for the mean time. And I hope that once I do get on the plane at 1:30 in the afternoon, I do fly off and get to my destination. That even though I lost four hours of my time in this place – I wouldn’t regret a thing; because I know that this is part of the journey.

I guess, it isn’t easy travelling alone, passing from one place to another, especially with a connecting flight. But sometimes, it is necessary. You, sometimes, need that extra mile to finally get to where you’re going. (Especially because you opted for this since it’s a cheaper flight. *wink wink*.)

So you might get a sore butt sitting on uncomfy benches, get a million roll-eyeballs-people-are-pathetic moments as you observe people, and almost kill yourself because this is so f*cking boring, but in the end, it might be worth it. You get to where you want to be right? You reach the desire of your heart.

I am stagnant, but this is temporary. I will be. There, I will be.

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Costa Marina 3/01/2014

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— MOVIE REVIEW: HER

As I’m writing this, I have the dialogue of the movie as my background. I just finished watching it and I can’t help but feel like I’m done reading a book. Yep. Got that right. It felt like a book. Actually googled if the movie is based from a book but it’s just written by Jonze as a movie. (Imagine my disappointment)

                Set in an imaginary 2025 where Theodore (Phoenix) falls in love with an OS (Johansson). A roller coaster ride between real-life problems and virtual ones. Yada yada yada. It’s honestly a really simple story line with a very complex emotional voice. I love the fact that it’s funny and sad at the same time. Like it can put a game with an extremely profane character in a scene, together with the fact that Theodore is alone. I don’t know if this is a valid point but, the movie just echoes a lot. The eeriness of its truth and understanding of love and belongingness is just spot on.

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                You kind of wish you could just lie in bed and feel someone there spooning you, talking to you half asleep, half drunk. That was one of the best scenes I guess, them just talking about what’s on their mind. And of course, the goodbye scene at the end.

                Kind of makes me hate the fact that Scarlet can be so damn sexy with just her voice. Joaquin Phoenix of course is just magical there. Perfect blend of sweet, sensitive and awkward – kind of hard to pull off at the age he’s portraying. Can you believe the little sh*t??? and of course Amy Adams, just hanging there, the complete chameleon to another sob story divorcee. Damn all of them. But Spike Jonze for me is the complete winner. Understated and completely smooth writing and directing. Romantic, real and f*cking painful.

                Watch it because it’s BEAUTIFUL. That’s just how it is.

BEST SCENE EVER:

“Can you feel me with you right now?”

“Yes I do..”

“It’s like I’m reading a book and.. it’s a book I deeply love. But I’m reading it slowly now. So the words are really far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite.. I can still feel you.. and the words of our story. But it’s in this endless space between the words that I’m finding myself now. It’s a place that’s not of the physical world. It’s where everything else is that I didn’t even know existed. I love you so much. But this where I am now. And this is who I am now. And I need you to let me go. As much as I want to. I can’t live in your book anymore.”

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5 out of 5

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— WHO KNEW WALKING COULD BE INTERESTING?

            As I stand, still in a fog-filled state, reach to my brogues under the  bed and insert my feet, I am stuck in this weird dream. You, talking to me about something. Somehow, I can no longer remember it. That’s how dreams are anyway, they’re like mist, hovering, but not really there, untouchable by memory – but I remember the feeling. I do not like feeling it.

             I go out, walking like I have a purpose when I am as professionally dead as a rat on a dumpster. Then as I turn the corner, thinking of the dream, I see you walking the same way I’m walking – separated by glass. You look like someone who’s looking for someone but not being able to find them. You turn your head confused and maybe hopeful that you might see whoever you’re looking for. I match your pace, not wanting to turn the corner to where I am supposed to be going. I walk slowly to let you be the first person to leave my sight. Never me. Then, as I see you turn your head, I realize, you’re looking at our bay. Somehow looking for someone. Could it have been me?

            I dismiss that thought but smile begrudgingly. It’s nice walking together, even if it’s not really together. You turn and I turn, you’re gone – and the spell is broken. We come to see each other twice or thrice that day. Never quite looking at each other. Not really admitting to the fact of what this is. But you are the reason I’m there, and I’m never going to admit to that.

            I shouldn’t be doing this. I..

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— WHAT I WOULD DO…

Slowly my eyes fluttered open.. and I catch a blurry image of someone close to my face. too close.. and my instincts tell me to get away. But then as I start to wake, I also realize who’s face I am groggily looking at.

It is the face. the face that I so wanted to devour this past month. And so I tense. there must be no more than 3 inches between our faces.. more strikingly - those lips to my own.

And so I wait… and God - wait and stare.. sleepily rove over the grooves and curves of that precious face. Then my fingers slightly lift from my side. Aching to touch..  Oh what would it feel to touch that nose - the groove under those precious lips. Those lips even - all the while thinking how many have they touched themselves. How many before me if…

and then the eyes that I could look into forever starts to flap open. and the hazel color that seems to tease me bore into my equally brown ones. and then I take a nervous breath. Shit. What should I do? Pretend to sleep once more, pry my eyes away from that incredibly interesting face? but the temptation to see the reaction after knowing that I was gazing as the marvel was sleeping was too much for my curiosity.. and so I stare back. Swallowing my nerves back to brave this territory.

I’m not the type to flirt. I ease from those things. I interact, but I don’t feed it either. I’m the fly that as soon as something moves, I move away too. but this.. God, this feels so good. So good to look at those brown eyes warming me all over.

And then it must’ve been forever but a movement on my back alerted me back to the world I was living in. - I had someone sleeping behind me. We are not alone. And so I close my eyes. And think… and not think.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. What the hell am I doing???

and so I open my eyes once more. and what  a surprise for me to see those lips curved into something unexpected - a smile. Surprising to see that I wasn’t the only one with hunger in my soul. Watching those eyes rake in my face. I tense. and I see that face consider the tension. and that body moves into mine.. moves closer.

God.. how is this possible? My blood pumps through my veins. My heart is jumping and attempting the feat of pushing through my chest. And I know that the marvel has noticed this.. and then slowly. That face spans the space that felt like the ocean.

And the touch that the softest of lips was not quite I imagined. It was… shakey. I mean those lips that I so wanted to kiss betrayed the certainty that they were experienced. This is new to them as well.

And so I kiss back. Softly.. then urgently. All the while only our lips touching. Until my nose and my cheeks burn into it’s adjacent. and we blur into each other.. and then the spell breaks.

And the look that we found in each other’s face - equally flushed and flustered - was something that I would’ve given my life for a picture of. It was all bliss. I didn’t expect it. I never knew. and as we let the moment sink into our consciousness - a smile crept into my mouth. and a giggle of secrecy and undeniable gaiety escaped me.

thinking back on this.. THIS is what I would’ve done. but you were to scared to take it. Too scared to show that you are inconvertibly, passionately in love. and so your fears get the best of you. and so do mine.  

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SUNOG NANAMAN 2014

SUNOG NANAMAN 2014

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For the Givenchy shoot. 

For the Givenchy shoot.